// Updated 1-11-11

FAQs and Questions for Possible Officiants

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Weddings, Vow Renewals, Handfastings, and
Planning Resources

Can We Marry Ourselves?

In a few states, couples can actually "solmnize" their vows without the aid of a judge, magistrate or religious official.

North Carolina is not one of those states. They don't recognize common law marriages either.

You can, however, handfast yourselves. It's not legal, but it's a ceremony of commitment. There are lots of resources for writing your own vows, etc. and I have provided a list of parts to a ceremony that you can adapt to your needs.

Honorariums and Fees

I have set rates called honorariums, and mileage charges.  I also can provide various ceremony accessories, and these are a separate charge depending on what is purchased. You will find that I am a relatively inexpensive wedding officiant for all that you get! I don't want price to be a significant factor in having a beautiful wedding.

Reservation fee at Consultation $  80 Non-refundable
Rehearsal Honorarium, if I attend $  80  
Ceremony Honorarium (select one)

$115
$  80
$  60
$  40

Custom package
Civil package
Handfasting package
Elopement package
Reschedule Fee, if needed $  80  
Mileage fee per mile beyond 30 miles $1/mi per trip TO your venue

I would expect locations more that three hours to include paid round-trip transportation and accomodations in place of the mileage fee.  


Since not everyone has a wedding rehearsal (I didn't have one) I have made that a separate charge.  I welcome tips for service above and beyond, and if you are in desperate financial straits, please be honest with me.  While, yes, I earn a modest living through my religious vocation, I'm not a jerk ;-)  

Please note that for a partially-customized ceremony with the required consultation, my fee is only $160. You are limited to the text in the sample civil ceremony. Rehearsal and Reschedule honorariums are the same, as is any applicable mileage charge.

I also have a special "elopement rate" for same-week weddings that take place in my home garden. Please CALL me if this applies to you. 919-649-1320. This rate only applies if you do not want to make any choices about your ceremony AND are having it at my home.

Unless prepaid, I do not provide any props or materials for your ceremony or unity rites (rings, candles, sands, wine, cord, etc.) and I may not be able to provide these things for you on short notice, since I have to order them beforehand.

Please see my "Acceptable Methods of Payment" explanation.

 

Why do Officiants charge so much for "a half hour of work"?

Please keep in mind that an independent Officiant does not necessarily receive a salary from another source, like a church. 
An Officiant's fee for services is his or her income.  

It takes an average of 10 hours of work per ceremony:

- 5 hours for consultations, scheduling, emails, phone calls
- sometimes research for a particular ceremony (definitely the benefit of tons of research over the years + education / training)
- 45 minutes for ceremony modifications, last minute changes, re-approvals
- at least 45 minutes for ceremony practice time (not including the full rehearsal!)
- 30-60 minutes (or more) of travel time to and from rehearsal and ceremony
- paperwork, paperwork, paperwork...extra tax forms, managing client files, updating ceremony "choices" book, hours spent quarterly updating advertising
- all that time lost with their own significant others and family on the weekends, when they are at home

Here's the most important part:

  1. Reverend Su is a licensed, ordained professional, without which there would be no sacred blessing, or no legal marriage.
  2. Hiring the officiant is the least expensive cost in the typical wedding, yet the only part that is really required

You can have a wedding without flowers or centerpieces; you can't have a marriage without an officiant. Be careful where you cut your corners! :-)

 

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

1. Are you registered to perform weddings in my location?
2. How long have you officiated weddings?
3. About how many weddings you do per year?
4. What training have you had?
5. Will you come to my location to do a ceremony?
6. What type of ceremonies will you perform?
7. What are your rules about photography?
8. Is pre-marital counseling required?
9. Do you have ceremony samples?
10. How much do you charge?

 

1. Are you registered to perform weddings in my location?

I am ordained by a seminary in California, and according to North Carolina law, because I am an ordained minister I may legally marry any male-female couple who are 16 or older, and are not first cousins or closer relations. Contact your local Register of Deeds for special regulations for people younger than 21, and those who have been divorced.

WARNING! In North Carolina, weddings are NOT LEGAL if performed by a Universal Life Church (ULC) minister after July 3, 1981. Many people don't believe me. Check out General Statute 51, Article 1, Section 1.1.

I choose to celebrate love between all couples, legal or not, although by law I cannot pretend to be marrying anyone.

I am able to perform weddings in the following states in the U.S.:

  • Alabama
  • Arizona
  • California
  • Colorago
  • Connecticut
  • Florida
  • Idaho
  • Indiana
  • Iowa
  • Maine
  • Maryland
  • Minnesota
  • Mississippi
  • New Jersey
  • New Mexico
  • North Carolina
  • North Dakota
  • South Dakota
  • Tennessee
  • Utah
  • Wisconsin

 

2. How long have you officiated weddings?

I have officiated weddings since my ordination in October 2007.

 

3. About how many weddings do you do per year?  

I can perform as many as 50 weddings in a calendar year.   As well as being profoundly fulfilling, performing ceremonies is one of the main sources of income for me and my family. I currently average about 22 per year.

 

4. What training have you had?

I have studied liturgy for about 10 years, culminating in my two-year course of professional training at Our Lady of Enchantment Seminary.  I am active in Church of the Earth of Raleigh. I perform group services.

Each time I perform a wedding, I learn something new, whether about parking or people! And couples often bring unique prayers that I collect into my ceremony planning book as available options for future couples.

5. Will you come to my location to do a ceremony?

I will travel to your special location.  My honorariums include 30 miles travel to your venue, and I only charge one dollar per mile beyond that for each trip.  This mileage fee applies to the Consultation, Rehearsal, and Ceremony.  

Exact overage fees may be calculated by using Google Maps to find the actual distance from my home base in Raleigh to your ceremony/rehearsal site(s), then subtract 30 from the distance. 

I may also be able to schedule ceremonies in areas more than four hours drive away, if plane fare and accomodation is provided by the wedding party/couple.

I now have a small garden patio available at my home for very intimate gatherings and elopements.  There is no charge to use this space, but witnesses are not provided.

 

6. What type of ceremonies will you perform?

I specialize in civil or spiritual weddings (as well as non-legal renewal, commitment and handfasting services) for interfaith, unchurched or "other-churched" couples. A "civil" ceremony is completely non-religious in nature.  

These are always tasteful.  While I cannot legally proclaim Christian rites, I have adapted them to be ecumenical.  There have never been any complaints. In fact, testimonials of my services have been nothing but glowing!

I also perform other life-stage blessings, such as baby/belly/Mommy-Daddy blessings, home blessings and cleansings, grandparenthood, and retirement blessings.  I performed my first baby blessing on June 6, 2010! I will also perform hospital visits upon request. Please see my Services page, or email me for details.

I am just happy to help people celebrate the stages of their lives!

 

7. What are your rules about photography?

I have no objection to being photographed at your ceremony.  I only ask that you label the pictures "Rev. Su Windsong Leone."  And, hey, if you take a picture with me with the happy couple, may I please have a copy for my testimonials web site? ;-)

 

8. Is pre-marital counseling required?

Yes. I do require that we meet prior to any rehearsal or ceremony. You can fill out the "Couples Inventory Questionnaire beforehand and email them, or bring them, or we will fill them out at the consultation appointment.  

I want to check you out, and you'll want to check me out!  It's just safer for all of us, and it's good business.  No hard feelings.  I also want to make sure you are not joining your lives together frivolously.  It gives some lead time for you.  Be prepared to discuss prior marriages.

At this consultation, we will also go over the order of the service. The whole thing takes 45-90 minutes. More if we get chatty LOL

 

9. Do you have ceremony samples?

I have a wedding ceremony worksheet that we go over at the consultation (and follow-ups via e-mail/US-mail, if needed.)  It includes the order of service, and is place to say, omit this, tweak this, etc.  Because there are a gazillion ceremony options, it's hard to put out a representative sample.  I will work on providing this on my web site in the future.  Please expect to be at our consultation for about 90 minutes if all the paperwork is filled out beforehand.

I also have a generic civil ceremony ready for elopements and other spontaneous weddings.  Even this has several choices. I have a civil ceremony with NO choices available for very short notice ceremonies.

 

TIP: If it is possible, see if you can see the officiant "in action" at another wedding. Be sure to contact an officiant in time before booking a rental hall or location so you are sure you have a good officiant for your ceremony.

TIP: Referral service available through American Association of Wedding Officiants (if you don't want Rev. Su!) North Carolina is in Region 4 of the AAWO.